I think that I most need to learn how to trust.
I need to learn how to trust that things are going to be okay. Too often I try to take things into my own hands, rather than trusting that things will all work out and be okay.
I need to learn to trust other people again. I used to be almost too trusting, and then something happened that forever changed my trust in people... I was date raped by the last guy I dated before I met my husband. Since then it has been hard for me to trust that people aren't going to hurt me again. I need to relearn how to trust others.
I have a lot of trust issues to overcome... I just need to learn.

I search within myself for clarity and understanding. I look to God for this most of the time, but I also find myself looking within. Sometimes when I stop and let calmness and peace set in things become clearer. The hustle and bustle of daily life kind of can melt away and my mind can clear itself... things can make themself more apparent in those moments.

I guess that for this I have more than one answer....
First, I find incredibly hard to love myself. It seems like, to myself, I am always too fat, too ugly, too stupid, too lazy, or too something else. There is always something standing in my way of loving myself... always things that are most likely untrue, but things that my mind cannot let me move past.
Second, I find it hard to love my aunt. I only have one aunt, and as a child, I always looked up to her. I thought that she was one of the coolest people that I knew. However, a few years ago, her and my grandmother had a falling out. Instead of just taking things out on my grandmother, she took things out on our whole family... including me. She got married and excluded all of us from her wedding, she only comes around when she knows that she'll get something, and she has basically cut herself off from communication with me, despite my attempts to call and email her to rebuild a relationship. I have tried to tell her how I feel, but I don't think that she honestly cares anymore. It is very difficult to love someone who seems to care so very little about you and the people that you care the most about.
Third, I find myself having a hard time loving my mother in law at times. I feel like she is one of those people who says one thing to my face and another behind my back. She told me before I got married that she didn't feel like I loved her husband enough to marry him. Since we got married, she makes comments about my cooking, my housekeeping skills, and other things. She often has made comments about how much she and her family loved my husbands ex girlfriends... just little things that are hurtful. I feel like I have been nothing but nice to her, but those little digs that bring me down and make me feel like crap make it very hard for me to love her.

"Look how far you've come." Almost three years ago now I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression and obsessive compulsive disorder. I thought that life as I knew it was coming to an end, and I was sure that things were never going to be good again.
At this time last year, I don't think that I realized just how much progress I had made. I was actually getting up and getting stuff done, my grades were much better, and I was all around better. I think that I still felt like a failure, though. Looking back now, though, I realize how far that person had come in life.
So, to that person that I was, I would say "Good job, keep pushing forward, and just look at how far you have come."

It is always my first instinct to run and hide somewhere when I am feeling afraid. However, I force myself to choose a better way to deal with fear. I have found that prayer and singing songs that calm myself down are amazing ways to deal with my fear. These things may not always work, but I would say that at least 99% of the time, they are great coping mechanisms!

I definitely believe that there is value in suffering. I think that suffering gives us a greater appreciation for things. If everything was always wonderful and we never had to go through the hard things in life, things would be very boring. It would make it very hard to find joy in the good things in life.

My friends and family have definitely given me the most strength. On the days that I feel like giving up, going back to bed, and hiding from the world, my family and friends are there pushing me and encouraging me. It gives me strength knowing that such an incredible group of people loves me and supports me.

What is going right in my life? This is a hard question for me to answer right now since this week has been so incredibly hard for me. My husband's aunt and uncle were killed in a car wreck, I discovered that I'm having to add an extra semester on to what I thought was the end of my college career, my great grandma broke her hip and is not probably going to live much longer, and my husband lost his job... all in less than a week.
But, in all of this there is something that is going right... that is the love and the support that I get from my friends. In the midst of darkness, my friends have come out of the woodwork and my relationships with them have strengthened. I feel absolutely blessed to have such amazing people in my life.

I think that I have the hardest time giving people honest answers to tough questions. I cannot bear to see people hurt or disappointed, which is often the result of an honest answer. While I do always give people the honest answers that they deserve to hear, it is extremely hard for me, and I often have to do it with a heavy heart.

The last thing that I learned how to do was loading, shooting, and unloading my husband's guns. I have a fear of guns, and I am not particularly happy about having guns in my home. However, I know that my husband feels like guns will give him the ability to protect me and children (if we have them in the future) from anything that may enter our home and try to harm us. I did not even want to touch the gun, but I knew that it was important for my husband that I do it. So, I now can sucessfully load, shoot, and unload all of my husband's guns. It also took a bit of the edge off of my fear. I never plan on using my new skills on anything or anyone... but I am pretty proud of myself for learning.