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QaR
February 2009 
Who or what would you have the hardest time loving?
Posted on Feb 7th, 2009
by 
brittieboo
brittieboo
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for February 07, 2009:
I guess that for this I have more than one answer....
First, I find incredibly hard to love myself. It seems like, to myself, I am always too fat, too ugly, too stupid, too lazy, or too something else. There is always something standing in my way of loving myself... always things that are most likely untrue, but things that my mind cannot let me move past.
Second, I find it hard to love my aunt. I only have one aunt, and as a child, I always looked up to her. I thought that she was one of the coolest people that I knew. However, a few years ago, her and my grandmother had a falling out. Instead of just taking things out on my grandmother, she took things out on our whole family... including me. She got married and excluded all of us from her wedding, she only comes around when she knows that she'll get something, and she has basically cut herself off from communication with me, despite my attempts to call and email her to rebuild a relationship. I have tried to tell her how I feel, but I don't think that she honestly cares anymore. It is very difficult to love someone who seems to care so very little about you and the people that you care the most about.
Third, I find myself having a hard time loving my mother in law at times. I feel like she is one of those people who says one thing to my face and another behind my back. She told me before I got married that she didn't feel like I loved her husband enough to marry him. Since we got married, she makes comments about my cooking, my housekeeping skills, and other things. She often has made comments about how much she and her family loved my husbands ex girlfriends... just little things that are hurtful. I feel like I have been nothing but nice to her, but those little digs that bring me down and make me feel like crap make it very hard for me to love her.
First, I find incredibly hard to love myself. It seems like, to myself, I am always too fat, too ugly, too stupid, too lazy, or too something else. There is always something standing in my way of loving myself... always things that are most likely untrue, but things that my mind cannot let me move past.
Second, I find it hard to love my aunt. I only have one aunt, and as a child, I always looked up to her. I thought that she was one of the coolest people that I knew. However, a few years ago, her and my grandmother had a falling out. Instead of just taking things out on my grandmother, she took things out on our whole family... including me. She got married and excluded all of us from her wedding, she only comes around when she knows that she'll get something, and she has basically cut herself off from communication with me, despite my attempts to call and email her to rebuild a relationship. I have tried to tell her how I feel, but I don't think that she honestly cares anymore. It is very difficult to love someone who seems to care so very little about you and the people that you care the most about.
Third, I find myself having a hard time loving my mother in law at times. I feel like she is one of those people who says one thing to my face and another behind my back. She told me before I got married that she didn't feel like I loved her husband enough to marry him. Since we got married, she makes comments about my cooking, my housekeeping skills, and other things. She often has made comments about how much she and her family loved my husbands ex girlfriends... just little things that are hurtful. I feel like I have been nothing but nice to her, but those little digs that bring me down and make me feel like crap make it very hard for me to love her.
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